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Proud pup mom, type A creative, lover of the outdoors, Top Chef fan girl, and wedding and portrait photographer. Welcome to the blog!
HI, I'M RACHEL!
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Getting super personal with you today, sharing a bit (OK, a lot) of my heart. In the past I’ve alluded to some personal development work I’ve been doing going on six years now. The past almost three years I’ve been hyper focused to the point that it’s basically been another full time job.
Prior to the past three years, I was super politically passionate. Growing up I was always privy to political matters because of my parents’ work and living in the D.C. area. I was even a political science major in college. I had strong feelings on social issues from a young age.
Besides my family teaching me the basic ideals of how to be a ‘good’ person, I actually have Oprah to thank for opening my eyes to many of these issues, as I watched The Oprah Winfrey Show every day after school.
When I first started my business I routinely spoke up in support of the LGBTQ community and immigrants, as they both seemed to be the most extremely under attack by the newly elected leadership. Shortly thereafter, my personal development work took a new path (law of attraction, quantum physics, shadow work, ego work). Due to that, I became much less concerned with and attached to what I viewed as political and social issues.
I stopped listening to and reading the news completely. If I did see a headline, I didn’t follow up on it. I wasn’t really talking to anyone about politics or social issues – I avoided it as much as possible because I hadn’t found a way to have those conversations without becoming attached to a ‘side’. It was actually very draining to feel identified with a ‘side’. (Still is…)
While I am still in the process of this personal work, I have reached a place where I understand a few things differently. It’s bigger than ‘sides’. Systematic racism is just not in alignment with what I feel from my soul – never has been and still isn’t.
It’s no longer in alignment for me to not speak up about atrocities committed against black people. In the past I’ve avoided mentioning it because of the reasons I’ve listed here, as well as just not knowing how to broach the subject while I was in that headspace. Because of the color of my skin, I’ve had the privilege of sitting out of the conversation and joining in when I feel comfortable. That is the truth.
The current situation has almost given me permission to jump into the conversation without as much pressure on myself to do it to my own standards of ‘perfection’. (Enneagram Type 1 here!) Can anyone else relate?
I have a perspective and I want to share it. Maybe it will resonate with someone and create connection where there once wasn’t one. I’ve now gotten to a place where I can have conversations that are challenging because they are worth having. By now I’m at least more equipped to try to have productive conversations, and to know my own limits and boundaries when I need to step back.
I also want to acknowledge any person of color who is triggered by those of us who are just now speaking out about the atrocities committed against black people, when blatant (and subtle) racism has been going on for – well, forever. I hear you and I get it. I can very clearly see what a painful time this is for people of color, and I imagine you’re triggered a lot right now. I feel you, I see you.
My intention is not to cause you more pain. It’s not my intention to profit (socially or monetarily) off the death of black people. It’s not my intention to commodify the current situation. Even if those aren’t my intentions, I see that the effect can still be the same. I see that and understand it.
My intention is to honor what’s in my heart, share my perspective with the hope it resonates and makes a difference for someone else, and to honor and acknowledge the pain of the black community. To use the personal work I’ve been doing as a way to help people understand how they can evolve as well (white folks, I’m talking to you!). I’m one person – we are all one person. If we each speak up, it can make a big difference. Better to start now than to stay silent any longer.
So here I go… this is not my complete set of thoughts on the matter, but it’s the start.
***
I assert that this is not a time of darkness, but a time of light. We have been in the dark, and now a light is being shined in all of the shadows, all of the corners. We have to see things that have always been there, hiding.
We are being called to action, especially white people. It’s being demanded from us (because of decades and centuries long silence). We are being faced with other people’s pain, pain for which we hold a complicit responsibility. We can’t ignore it any longer and we can’t unsee it. Part of us wants to soothe that pain. And people of color deserve to be soothed; they deserve so much more than that.
I see an important distinction here that I want to draw attention to today: the difference between reaction and aligned action.
We are being forced out of our comfort zone and are now facing a lot of feelings, feelings we aren’t comfortable with: self righteousness, judgment, ego, defensiveness, guilt, sadness, anger, gall, insecurity (in the sense of lack of safety), helplessness, shame, fear (fear of abandonment, rejection, chaos, failure, not belonging).
When we experience discomfort, we want to soothe, and we often reach for that soothing very quickly. That’s what I’m calling a reaction – the rush to take action in order to soothe our own discomfort/fear/pain. We re-post, we condemn, we shame (I’ve participated in it too!).
When the intention behind our action is to soothe feelings we’re uncomfortable with, it’s not going to have as much power or effectiveness. Missteps will be made from rushing, lack of thought, and lack of consideration. And maybe that’s OK sometimes. Maybe a movement like this needs some rushed reaction because at least something is happening. Some attention is being brought to the issue. Maybe that’s what’s needed.
We suddenly have creative solutions and ideas for things that can last and have an impact. And fewer missteps are made. (Not that everything has to be done perfectly; I’m referring to some missteps that actually take away from the overall cause or exacerbate the problems.)
If you are a white human reading this, I encourage you to take the space to reflect on what you’re feeling. Sit with it. Write it out. Just be with it. Don’t vent it at anyone, don’t hastily react by posting something defensive or even something you think might be helpful. There is room for your feelings (anger, gall, fear, frustration, all of it), but you have to make room for them within yourself first so you can understand them. So you can take action from a place of conscious awareness instead of blind reaction. So your actions have more power. Be intentional with your actions – make sure they’re aligned with your values. Don’t post just to post, don’t say things just to get credit for saying them or to soothe your own discomfort so you can prove you’re a ‘good’ person.
We are being called to see a lot within ourselves that we’ve been ignoring. This can be a painful process and that is OK. We’re human and sometimes there’s pain. We can handle it. It’s also the nature of humanity to grow, adapt, evolve. You can choose to stay in your comfort zone, bury your head. I’m here to tell you, there’s immense pain in that too.
Do this work for yourself; it will change the world.
I’m not even going to pretend that I have my own library of anti-racism books or resources to recommend to you, so I’ll defer to those who have already compiled those lists.
Here’s a short list of books I’ve read on my own journey (not surprisingly almost all written by white people, oh goodness…): A New Earth and Power of Now, You’re a Badass, The Instruction, Law of Attraction, Getting Real, Trust.
HELLO@RACHELEHPHOTOGRAPHY.COM
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Rachel is a wedding and portrait photographer
Serving brilliant, elegant couples in Washington D.C. + Beyond
Copyright 2022 Rachel E.H. Photography | Website by Alex Collier Design
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